How to survive cheesy holiday photos
From: How to Survive the Holidays: the complete field guide
For our holiday gift this year, the Blender team has selected eight holiday horror scenarios and provided you with step-by-step solutions for survival and endurance during the crazy holiday season. Read Scenario #8 below, or click the button above for the full online survival guide experience!
It’s time to gather around and take a cheesy family holiday photo. No one really wants to squish together on the couch and fake smile for 10 minutes, but the grandparents are insisting and you can’t let them down. The problem is you are an awkward human being.
How to Survive:
Hair: Check for flyaway hairs and stray pieces of food. If born with cowlick, pat that sucker down.
Eyebrows: Raise slightly to appear excited at prospect of taking photo. Not too much though or you will come off serial-killer-esque.
Eyes: Keep wide open and avoid excessive blinking, as this will lengthen duration of photo shoot.
Teeth: Are there leftover brussel sprouts wedged between your front teeth? No? Are you sure?
Shoulders: Pull back to create effect of standing up straight. Avoid hunching or risk the weird no-neck look.
Arms: Keep at sides. Resist temptation to swing or flail. Do not, under any circumstances, put arms around shoulders of surrounding family. Everyone is already uncomfortable.
Poses to avoid at all costs:
The duck face
[duhk]-[feys] noun, singular
- A photographic pose trend, consisting of an exaggerated pouting expression in which the lips are thrust outwards, often with simultaneously sucked cheeks. Well known on profile pictures in social networks.
- May express sympathy, attractiveness, and friendliness.
This is not a bathroom mirror selfie. This is a cherished memory in the making.
The ‘Blue Steel’
[bloo]-[steel] noun, singular
- Made famous by the 2001 movie Zoolander, “Blue Steel” is the signature modeling pose of male model Derek Zoolander.
- consists of pouted lips, intense gaze, often confused with looks ‘Le Tigre’ and ‘Ferarri’.
Even if you have won Male Model of the Year three years in a row, this is not the time for this pose.
[buhn-ee]-[eers] noun, plural
- The act of putting two fingers up behind someone’s head while a picture is being taken to mimic rabbit ears.
- Known as one of the most ubiquitous pranks of all time.
Awkward T-Rex arms
[awk-werd]-[tee-reks]-[ahrms] noun, plural
- The act of lifting arm and barely resting around another’s shoulder in an effort to seem friendly but not overbearing.
- Commonly used between strangers or acquaintances in a photo opportunity against their will.
Keep. At. Your. Sides.
Like what you see? Want to see all the How to Survive the Holidays scenarios on a big, beautiful, interactive website? You bet you would. The button’s right below, and the site works great on your desktop, tablet, and phone. Try it!